i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
