That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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