why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
