Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
