you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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