she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
