maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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