Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
