you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
