I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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