Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
