I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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