My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
