So drunk its hurt
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
