What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
