it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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