I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
