Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You're a waste of cheezeits
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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