I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
