Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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