i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
