yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
