we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
