apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
