Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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