he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
