if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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