Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
