it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
