JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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