You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
