There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
