I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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