I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
