Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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