I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
