Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
