Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
