M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
