Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
