oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
