she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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