Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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