Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
