Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
