your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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