You're completely useless in the revolution.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
did i walk over a car last night?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
