i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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