i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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