why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
