Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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