and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
